Dear married and courting men who are taking your wives and girlfriends for granted,

It’s been a while. I blame it on the rat race. I have an interesting update on that, but for now, I wanted to share something that’s been on my heart.

I am writing this (or rather, I wrote it on Aug 8) as a warning to you, out of love. And no, contrary to what I’m sure someone is going to assume, it’s not a hint to my man or based on any recent happenings in my life.

Now, I know that men and women are different, so I’m going to give you the benefit of the doubt and assume that on some level, you do not know what you are doing. After this, you cannot say you had no idea.

Your wife or your girlfriend, sir, in case you have forgotten, is a gift to be treasured, loved, and appreciated. She is not a mat to trample, a maid you employed to clean your house and cook for your siblings, or a rag to wipe up your mess. I think it’s time we sat down and established a few home truths.

*Random: I’m not sure how grammatically correct the “Just because” way of saying things is, but it seems to be legit, and it’s convenient for this, so I’ll use it.*

1) Just because she makes time for you doesn’t mean she has all the time in the world. Unmarried men, you might think that the hour-long conversations, hourly texts, and looking great for every date is something that she just rolls and flows into. Married men, you might think that your meals being cooked every day, having a clean home to go to, and children who look neat and have clean noses are things that every man has. But this is untrue. Your woman takes her time to look good for you, be there for you, and do what you want. Don’t get it twisted; she could be doing so many other things with her time, but she’s set a chunk of it aside for you, because she treasures you. Even the Lord knows this, and tells women who want to serve Him to remain single: A woman who is no longer married or has never been married can be devoted to the Lord and holy in body and in spirit. But a married woman has to think about her earthly responsibilities and how to please her husband. – 1 Corinthians 7:34, NLT.

2) Just because you don’t make time for her doesn’t mean nobody will. When you started out, you listened, wined, dined, you even shared your innermost feelings with her. And somewhere along the way, you decided to let that get old. Well, rest assured that when you start to take her for granted, she’ll slowly start to close up – to you. She will find someone to open up to – whether it’s a sibling, friend, or another man is not the issue. The issue is, that’s when you’ll begin to lose her. If she’s not expressing herself to you and not demonstrating any discomfort with that, then ask yourself some questions, because something is not right.

3) Just because she hasn’t said anything doesn’t mean she hasn’t seen or felt anything. If you’re cheating, she probably knows. 99% of the time, if you are with a good woman who is sane and not paranoid, her God-given intuition will rat you out as soon as she takes one look at you. She will know when she shakes your co-worker’s hand if anything has happened between the two of you. She may not say anything about it. But she knows, and she’s just figuring out her next move. A woman who has been or is being cheated on always knows. And a woman who prays probably gets frequent intelligence reports from the One who sees and knows all. Be sure your sin will find you out – Numbers 32:23.

4) Just because you don’t appreciate her doesn’t mean someone else won’t. If you are with a godly woman, then there are tons of men out there who would give everything to be with her. If you don’t realize how privileged you are to be in her presence and in her life, someone else is waiting eagerly to step into your shoes. She may be at the bottom of your priority list, or she might not even be on your priority list, but rest assured she’s at the top of someone else’s. If you’re not the first and last person who tells her she’s beautiful every day, someone will fill that gap, and we both know whoever fills the emotional need carries the day. If you insist on her looking good but have never paid for a single item in her closet, or if you consistently criticize her even when she’s trying so hard, then check yourself.

5) The woman you’re cheating on her with, if you’re cheating, will NEVER measure up to her. And if you keep up the foolery, you’ll realize it one day when it’s too late. Here’s a clue: this woman is helping you cheat. That in itself lowers her credibility. Is that worth risking your reputation, career, self-worth, and walk with the Lord? Can a man take fire to his bosom, and not be burned? No woman will ever measure up to your wife. It’s never the same. If you’ve got it good, don’t throw it away. If the grass looks greener on the other side, grab a sprinkler and water your lawn, because like the saying goes, the neighbor’s might be fertilized by a sewer underneath it.

6) Just because she never says she wants anything, or just because she says she does not want anything, doesn’t mean you shouldn’t do or buy anything. One day, when you get to hear the horror stories from men who pay rent, buy clothes, and put gas in cars belonging to women they are not even engaged to as a requirement for peace in their relationships; one day when you hear about husbands who leave home early and get home late so that they can maintain the expectations of their wives, then you will see just how blessed you are to have a woman who does not make ridiculous demands.

7) Just because she chose you, doesn’t mean she thinks you’re perfect. At first, the rush from the realization that you “bagged a good one” will get you to treat her right. But after a while, you get used to the beauty, choose to see the character as commonplace, and basically forget that your life has been graced by the presence of a jewel… and that it could slip through your fingers at any time. Well, this woman could have chosen any man in the world, but she chose you. That doesn’t mean you can act any old kind of way. If you act a fool, she will get tired of your foolery one day.

8) If the words “I’ll leave you” ever escape from her lips, take note. They might not sound threatening, and they’re not supposed to be. But they are serious. And for her to get to the point where she actually says it out loud simply means she has one foot out the door and the other on a banana peel. Women are strong. Very strong. You might push certain buttons once, twice… a hundred times, but there is a limit. Realize what you did just before she mouthed these dangerous words, and correct it.

9) You “need” her more than she “needs” you. I’m not a feminist, nor have I ever been one. And I’m not even great at math. But if the woman was created because the man needed help, then there is something that woman has that a man cannot do without. You need her prayers, her support, her input, her womb. She needs you, too, of course, but she was created for you. Now, if you want to think God took the time to put Adam out, perform surgery, take out his rib, and fashion a woman just because, then that’s your prerogative, but I put it to you that if you mistreat the woman that God brought to you, there will be repercussions and there will be regret.

10) Just because she’s saved doesn’t mean she doesn’t hurt. The fact that she stays doesn’t mean she can’t – or won’t – leave. She has options. Especially if there are no rings. And even with a hundred rings there are some options, few and far between though they be, for which the Word of God backs her up. Don’t you ever forget that.

Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favor from the Lord. Remember that you prayed for this gift, and know that the Giver is watching…

I’ll add a final word for all the dear husbands out there:

[You have covered] the altar of the LORD with tears, with weeping, and with crying out, because he regards not the offering any more, or receives it with good will at your hand. Yet you say, Why? Because the LORD has been witness between you and the wife of your youth, against whom you have dealt treacherously: yet is she your companion, and the wife of your covenant. – Malachi 2:13-14.

Love,

Pea

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